First time drinking at 11
First time using drugs at 12
First time being lost at 9
Or maybe before that
But I’ve blocked that part out
I knew who I was at a very early age
I knew I was the bubbly fun friend
The one everyone loved
…to blame
The one who “lost her way”
At an early age
It didn’t happen by accident
Most of the “grown ups” in my life
Were depressed and used
I wanted to grow up so I wasn’t forgotten
Mission failed successfully
I did grow up
At least as much as everyone else
Check your sources thoroughly
before making the same mistake I did
Now everyone’s actually grown up
I’m still behind though
Caught in the same trap they fell for
My bubbles popping
My mind sinking
Feeling nothing
But there was one thing that made it better
Her name was molly
Whenever I was with her
Alone or in a group
I felt amazing
I became that friend again
It lit the spark that died in me
Among other things
Things that made me feel unstoppable
I fell harder for her than I did anything else
She was my priority
Above everything and everyone else
When I wasn’t with her
Things felt wrong
My mind wasn’t right
Everything scrambled
It felt like being with her was the only option
Sometimes I still feel that way
But back then
It was the only option
Sometimes i can still feel her warm gaze
Trying to push through
Wanting me to take her back
It’s hard to turn down
But it’s not my only option
Not anymore