I like to say I haven’t been in a real relationship
I like to excuse myself from having “ex’s”
I hate being associated with the idea of it
The girl who got cheated on
The girl who cheated
(even though I could never do that)
The girl who wasn’t pretty enough
Who wasn’t skinny enough
Who wasn’t stylish enough
The girl who just wasn’t enough.
But then I hear your name
“You know ____ is in town?”
You would never believe
The way I go through a thousand emotions
Just hearing that sentence
Oh my god
He’s back
I can finally see you again
I can finally feel seen again
I can finally feel you again
Just the thought of running
As fast as I possibly can
Just to jump into your arms
Just to feel your arms wrap around me
Like the familiar blanket I remember
Just to feel your hands grab my waist
Holding me like you’ll never let go
Oh my god
He’s back
I can finally talk to you again
I can finally hear everything you’ve done
I can finally tell you everything I’ve done
Just the thought of laying in your room
In your bed
In your blankets
In your favorite hoodie
You swore you’d never let me steal
Even though you bought it with me in mind
Oh my god
He’s back…
He’s back and I can’t do any of those things
I get to hear the accidental slip ups
In conversations around me
The ones that are hushed whispers
If they fuck up and say something too loud
The little slips in people’s conversations
Is all I get
The photos in people’s posts and stories
Is all I get
Hearing about you texting people
Just to let them know your in town
Is all I get
I know I’ll never get that text
But I’ll always be waiting for one
I’ll always check when my phone goes off
At 3 am
Just to see if it could possibly be you
It never is
It never will be
But…maybe one day you’ll miss me too
So maybe I lied before
I have one ex
But I hate calling you that
And I’ll never associate you with that word
Not in my mind
In my mind you are
And always will be
My best friend
Cause even before everything
That’s what you were