I never got to say goodbye to my childhood

I don’t think anyone ever did

Everything was just a blur

Praying to grow up

Like looking through a glass filled with water

Blurred and distorted

the things you remember 

Always seem to be the things

Morphed through that glass

One day you put your doll down

And never picked it up again

One day you had a bed full of stuffed animals

And you never slept with them again

One day you had a birthday party 

With pin the tail on the donkey

A piñata that exploded with your favorite candy

With all the friends from your class

Now i feel guilty even sending the invitations 

What happened when the glass shattered

When you became aware of

what you gave up

Just to be older

All the birthdays are a sad cake

In a poorly lit dining room 

Your cards full of cash 

no one knows what you like

I guess you don’t know either

Birthdays now are realizations that

The love you were smothered in 

Is gone

You begged for it to stop

You were a “big kid”

Now you wish you could beg for it

The love you lost

But you know 

You’ll never get it back

The glass shattering

You can see all the pieces 

Your torn apart life

In those still shards of glass

All those stuffed animals you gave away 

Cause you were a “big kid”

Replaced with a mountain of pillows

An attempt 

To trick yourself into thinking 

You’re not alone.

You try to pick up the leftover shards

In a desperate attempt 

To put it back together

We all know what happens 

The sharp edges cut your hands

Putting a red film 

Over those last shards of hope 

They stop reflecting 

You put down the dolls you used to play with

Just to turn into them

At least you’re trying to to

Putting on pounds of makeup 

To have the same desirable quality

Not eating till you take pounds off your weight

Just to be wanted by a teenage guy

One who only texts you at 3 am

One who doesn’t take you out

One who’s talking to 6 other girls

One who isn’t loyal

One who is oblivious

It’s that moment when you realize 

How much your priorities changed 

When you realize the innocence you gave up

Just to become a “big kid”

It’s a choice we all make

And all regret